The idea of using toys to spice up the sex is an idea I have long toyed (pun intended). To where I live however, humans here are not accustomed to seeing a huge green dildo over the counter. Believe it or not, even my peers are embarrassed of buying a condom at a drugstore, which is both sad and hilarious.

Now being both horny and hormonal, I scoured the internet for some of these what I love to call, gadgets of fuckery, and jesus-hold-me-tight, I found out that there’s more to dildos, rabbits, and beads. I mean, I am looking at a plethora of sex toys mouthing OMG and WTF simultaneously. I have reached the point of my primal fear settling in, and doubted for like two seconds if I should really go ahead and enter the realm of Sex Toylandia.

I haven’t decided yet, not that I’m closing my doors or whatnot, but here are some of the toys I am NOT happy to discover and anyone who uses any of these will not become my friend, or if you already are, leave me the fuck alone – period.



I understand foot fetish is a thing BUT THIS IS NOT HOW YOU DO IT FOR FUCK’S SAKE.


No. No no no no no no. That’s not a sex toy, that’s a prop from the XXX-rated version of the Thing.

Is … is this who we are now, people? We’re taking what are essentially horror movie props and making them fuckable to quiet down the voices in our heads? That’s shooting way above your everyday “generic sociopath” territory and veering dangerously close to outright supervillainy. I mean, the only thing I can imagine would be worse than that fucking footgina would be … you know, I can’t even tell. Maybe an actual severed head with a screwable windpipe? Luckily, humanity is not yet so far gone that we’d even consider making a deranged-ass product like th-


.. nevermind. Babies for breakfast, anyone?



Guys, I’m all for fantasies. I fully understand the power trip some guys enjoy in the whole virgin fantasy thing. But do you really need a sex toy that actually bleeds to simulate the sensation? From multiple manufacturers, for that matter. How … how does that even work? It’s not like you’re likely to see the fake blood while you’re, uh, operating the machinery. Do you poke the toy with a stick until it bleeds? Do you revel in the blood afterwards?


Actually, don’t answer that. Because I can’t help but feel that whenever you feel the need to shed your money on a sex toy that sputters red goop, the next step is hissing at the police from your meat hook-filled closet dungeon after they finally realize that the material of your anime body pillow is suspiciously skin-like, and that no one has seen your neighbor in weeks.





I understand sparkly butt plugs. I even saw a butt plug with a Christian cross on it. But this, really? REALLY?! WHY?!




This is like the cock ring Vlad the Impaler would use. If you love tales of the medieval, or if you’re conducting your own inquisition, then this tiny Iron Maiden for a schlong may be right up your alley.



Okay. So I’ve been told this is a thing in Vegas?


I can’t even write anymore. This is.. this is.. not what I had in mind.

LOL at that third bullet point – TOSS YOUR INHIBITIONS AWAY – who wouldn’t wanna do that *laughingcrying*



Narcissus & Goldmund – The Duality of the Soul in Hermann Hesse

Right after tweeting something profane with a hint of complaining about the need to post a new blog entry, I got a reply from this dude saying, “Perhaps, ‘The Duality of the Soul in Hermann Hesse’ …”

I would never have thought of that myself. I’ve been reading quite a lot lately; but none ever piqued my interest the way James Luchte’s (guy on Twitter) genius idea did. For a guy to pitch in quite a subject, it’s only natural to think that he knows a whole fucking lot – he can probably shut me up and tell me 100 things I know nothing of – as seen on his blog (follow him; he’s like the needle through your veins).

And so, having read Narcissus & Goldmund by the great Hermann Hesse myself, it was easy for me to seek inspiration. For Hesse enthusiasts, you already know that he’s keen on the turmoil and duality of the human soul. That is, according to my research. For the unfortunate souls who haven’t had the life-changing encounter yet, well… this might help – I pray.

herman hesse

In Narcissus & Goldmund, Hesse takes two young men – one devoted to the hermetic religious life and another more into the decadent artistic life – and follows them through adulthood. It is obvious that Hesse wants to examine the spiritual/cerebral approach to existence versus the more artistic/physical approach to life, and to find them both wanting.

Narcissus and Goldmund simultaneously seek for life’s meaning through the sacred and the profane. They offer a binary of opposing beliefs, depicted with few successes and mortal failures. Goldmund, the wayward wayfarer, understands the demand for atonement on his life. But this burden can only temporarily bind — not transform — his spirit of rebellion. Narcissus, accepts the joyless labor of his calling because he needs the security and order within the Church.

The pervasive theme in Narcissus and Goldmund depicts the human longing to find lasting contentment. Goldmund lost his soul in the search for purpose and fulfillment while Narcissus’ secure but joyless life of drudgery (masquerading as devotion) was demolished. Although Narcissus acknowledges “a man may abide by the Commandments and be far from God,” he never grasps this truth in his experiential knowledge of God. He serves without love or thought. He, like Goldmund is a slave, abject in existence.

This novel is a philosophical and allegorical story of the friendship between two exact opposites, one staying in the medieval monastery to pursue his career of deprivation, intellectualism, scholarship and logic; the other becoming a vagabond who wanders from landscape to landscape, trouble to trouble, love affair to love affair. The two are almost personifications of opposites, but this only strengthens their friendship built on differences and ensures that despite years of separation, they continually think of each other and enrich each other’s life through a different worldview.

This conflict between flesh and spirit, between an emotional and a contemplative man, was a life study for Hesse. It is a theme that transcends all time. I haven’t read all of Hesse’s major works yet, but next on my list is Steppenwolf, the theme of which describes the conflict between bourgeois acceptance and spiritual self-realization in a middle-aged man, and then The Glass Bead Game – the dualism of the contemplative and the active life.


Sorry if some points are scattered – I write like a maniac. I recommend you read the book for you to understand better, and maybe you’ll find this post somewhat enlightening.

Again, my eternal gratitude to Mr. James Luchte. Your brain is bad-ass, sir.

The Flea

Whenever viewing erotic paintings, John Donne’s The Flea springs to my mind. In this intriguingly lusty poem, a flea engineers a consummation between a clandestine couple by mingling their blood it sucks in its own body.

I feel like that sneaky flea, serving as an intermediary between the fateful lovers, and being complicit in the sexual affair whilst not actively engaging in it. Then I check the distance between the painting and me – the discreet distance that prevents any hypnotized ones from absorbing too further and caressing the painting without noticing.

It is safe to consider myself a very ‘sexual’ person, and so this poem has become one of my ultimate favorites. The thing is, any poetry lover would easily notice how Donne evoked eroticism in The Flea without explicitly referring to sex. That’s more than what my mind can take or make.

John Donne and his pointy beard. Portrait by Isaac Oliver

John Donne and his pointy beard.
Portrait by Isaac Oliver

Metaphysical poets such as John Donne tend to be more concerned with analyzing their feelings than actually expressing them. They use bold and elaborate metaphors, paradox, a mixture of subtle and complex thought, and direct language filled with the dramatic overtones one would find in everyday speech. Donne is famous for being very present in his poetry, giving the illusion that he is standing behind the speaker directing him what to say. The speaker in his poems is always amid intense emotions; so the poem tends to flow the way a person would feel as they are experiencing some event.

The Flea

Marke but this flea, and marke in this,
How little that which thou deny’st me is;
Me it suck’d first, and now sucks thee,
And in this flea our two bloods mingled bee;
Confesse it, this cannot be said
A sinne, or shame, or losse of maidenhead,

Yet this enjoyes before it wooe,
And pamper’d swells with one blood made of two,
And this, alas, is more than wee would doe.

Oh stay, three lives in one flea spare,
When we almost, nay more than maryed are.
This flea is you and I, and this
Our marriage bed, and marriage temple is;
Though parents grudge, and you, w’are met,
And cloysterd in these living walls of Jet.

Though use make thee apt to kill me,
Let not to this, selfe murder added bee,
And sacrilege, three sinnes in killing three.

Cruell and sodaine, has thou since
Purpled thy naile, in blood of innocence?
In what could this flea guilty bee,
Except in that drop which it suckt from thee?
Yet thou triumph’st, and saist that thou
Find’st not thyself, nor mee the weaker now;

‘Tis true, then learne how false, feares bee;
Just so much honor, when thou yeeld’st to mee,
Will wast, as this flea’s death tooke life from thee.



So how have fleas been incorporated into poetry?

No one really knows when the first sensual flea showed up in a poem. But one of the early flea poems, which some believe was written by the Roman poet Ovid (43 BC-17 AD), was described as a widely popular, ribald Latin poem on fleas. Apparently, the poem was a trendsetter for fleas and sexual innuendo, because a number of poems from medieval times follow that general theme… and so the flea was seen as an erotic insect in the medieval times.

John Donne’s The Flea is outright lustful – and I love it. It is remarkable for its emotional intensity. In short, The Flea, is a remarkable lyric; remarkable for its realism, for its emotional intensity and for the ingenuity with which Donne has argued the case for physical union without any social inhibitions.