TOY CULTURE

The idea of using toys to spice up the sex is an idea I have long toyed (pun intended). To where I live however, humans here are not accustomed to seeing a huge green dildo over the counter. Believe it or not, even my peers are embarrassed of buying a condom at a drugstore, which is both sad and hilarious.

Now being both horny and hormonal, I scoured the internet for some of these what I love to call, gadgets of fuckery, and jesus-hold-me-tight, I found out that there’s more to dildos, rabbits, and beads. I mean, I am looking at a plethora of sex toys mouthing OMG and WTF simultaneously. I have reached the point of my primal fear settling in, and doubted for like two seconds if I should really go ahead and enter the realm of Sex Toylandia.

I haven’t decided yet, not that I’m closing my doors or whatnot, but here are some of the toys I am NOT happy to discover and anyone who uses any of these will not become my friend, or if you already are, leave me the fuck alone – period.

 

THE VAJANKLE

I understand foot fetish is a thing BUT THIS IS NOT HOW YOU DO IT FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

wtf

No. No no no no no no. That’s not a sex toy, that’s a prop from the XXX-rated version of the Thing.

Is … is this who we are now, people? We’re taking what are essentially horror movie props and making them fuckable to quiet down the voices in our heads? That’s shooting way above your everyday “generic sociopath” territory and veering dangerously close to outright supervillainy. I mean, the only thing I can imagine would be worse than that fucking footgina would be … you know, I can’t even tell. Maybe an actual severed head with a screwable windpipe? Luckily, humanity is not yet so far gone that we’d even consider making a deranged-ass product like th-

wtf2

.. nevermind. Babies for breakfast, anyone?

 

VIRGIN SEX TOYS

Guys, I’m all for fantasies. I fully understand the power trip some guys enjoy in the whole virgin fantasy thing. But do you really need a sex toy that actually bleeds to simulate the sensation? From multiple manufacturers, for that matter. How … how does that even work? It’s not like you’re likely to see the fake blood while you’re, uh, operating the machinery. Do you poke the toy with a stick until it bleeds? Do you revel in the blood afterwards?

wtf3

Actually, don’t answer that. Because I can’t help but feel that whenever you feel the need to shed your money on a sex toy that sputters red goop, the next step is hissing at the police from your meat hook-filled closet dungeon after they finally realize that the material of your anime body pillow is suspiciously skin-like, and that no one has seen your neighbor in weeks.

 

A BUTTPLUG WITH A FUZZY TAIL

wtf4

JESUS. REALLY?

I understand sparkly butt plugs. I even saw a butt plug with a Christian cross on it. But this, really? REALLY?! WHY?!

 

THIS COCK RING FROM HELL

wtf6

This is like the cock ring Vlad the Impaler would use. If you love tales of the medieval, or if you’re conducting your own inquisition, then this tiny Iron Maiden for a schlong may be right up your alley.

 

ANAL RING TOSS

Okay. So I’ve been told this is a thing in Vegas?

wtf5

I can’t even write anymore. This is.. this is.. not what I had in mind.

LOL at that third bullet point – TOSS YOUR INHIBITIONS AWAY – who wouldn’t wanna do that *laughingcrying*

 

 

Exhibitionism

In the Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders, Exhibitionism is defined as, “a mental disorder characterized by a compulsion to display one’s genitals to an unsuspecting stranger.”

I love how the word “unsuspecting” is used to define the term, because it just goes to show that people inflicted with this mental disorder are severely fucked up. Imagine getting caught off guard by a random dude flashing or jacking off in front of you – man, I wouldn’t know what to do. That is both a “WTF?!” and an “ARE YOU OK?” to me.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR) files exhibitionism under “paraphilias,” a subcategory of sexual and gender identity disorders.

What the hell are Paraphilias?

This is a collective name for mental illnesses marked by obsession with weird sexual practices or sexual activity involving non-consenting or inappropriate partners, which includes kids (pedophilia) or animals (zoophilia). The term paraphilia is derived from two Greek words meaning “outside of” and “friendship-love.”

Exhibitionism as defined by DSM-IV-TR

DSM-IV-TR defines exhibitionism as the exposure of one’s genitals to a stranger, but with no further intention of engaging in sexual activity with the other person. Because of this, the term is sometimes grouped together with “voyeurism,” (peeping or watching an unsuspecting person or people, usually strangers, undressing or engaging in sexual activity) as a “hands-off” paraphilia. This contrasts with the “hands-on disorders” which involve physical contact with other persons.

What goes on in the minds of these motherfuckers

If you are like me, you’d probably wanna know what these guys are thinking while doing their thing. Well, some exhibitionists are aware of a conscious desire to shock or upset their target; while others fantasize that the target will become sexually aroused by their display. In the case of peeping Toms, the exhibitionist masturbates while exposing himself (or while fantasizing that he is exposing himself) to the other person.

 What makes flashers do this shitty thing?

Several theories have been proposed regarding the origins of exhibitionism. As of 2002, however, none are considered conclusive. They include:

  1. Biological theories. These generally hold that testosterone, the hormone that influences the sexual drive in both men and women, increases the susceptibility of males to develop deviant sexual behaviors. Some medications used to treat exhibitionists are given to lower the patients’ testosterone levels.
  2. Learning theories. Several studies have shown that emotional abuse in childhood and family dysfunction are both significant risk factors in the development of exhibitionism.
  3. Psychoanalytical theories. These are based on the assumption that male gender identity requires the male child’s separation from his mother psychologically so that he does not identify with her as a member of the same sex, the way a girl does. It is thought that exhibitionists regard their mothers as rejecting them on the basis of their different genitals. Therefore, they grow up with the desire to force women to accept them by making women look at their genitals.
  4. Head trauma. There are a small number of documented cases of men becoming exhibitionists following traumatic brain injury (TBI) without previous histories of alcohol abuse or sexual offenses.
  5. A childhood history of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). The reason for the connection is not yet known, but researchers at Harvard have discovered that patients with multiple paraphilias have a much greater likelihood of having had ADHD as children than men with only one paraphilia.

 

Why the sudden interest in Exhibitionism

In my continuous conquest to post something extraordinarily fucked up as often as I could, I would read the weirdest books and Internet stories that I could find. Just recently, I’ve come across Chuck Palahniuk’s short story entitled Guts, and I was overcome with this intense need to further explore masturbation in an essence.

By the way, the short story involves a carrot in one’s asshole and a foreign object inserted in a boy’s pee-hole all for the sake of “taking jacking off to the next level” (read the story, I double dare you). So I did my research until I’ve reached the offensive side to jacking off. The gods of the Internet love me so much that they bestowed upon me this mind-opener, originally published in 1961.

Here’s an excerpt:

THE TRAGEDY OF THE EXHIBITIONIST

 

By B. H. Leveret, Ph.D., LL.B.

Sending a man to jail for indecent exposure is psychologically useless and socially unsound.

MY young secretary came into the office very much upset one morning and said to me: “This morning as I was coming in on the subway with several of my girl friends a terrible thing happened. We were standing near the door of the subway car. A man got out. Just before the train pulled out of the station, this man stepped up to the door and placing himself in front of the win-daw of the door, he proceeded to unbutton his trousers and show himself to us.”

“Poor fellow,” I said.

“Poor fellow, indeed,” she replied. “How about us? I was nearly frightened to death. And the other girls were very much disturbed also. One of them was very young. She may not get over it so easily.”

“I did not mean to suggest that what he did was condonable,” I replied. “I think it was reprehensible. I think it certainly deserves to be punished. But you know, in the law today we also recognize another side to a situation of this kind.

“We realize today, owing to the advances of modern psychiatry, that a man who does a thing like that may be committing a terrible offense and may be causing shock and injury to girls before whom he displays himself, but also that this man is probably a quite sick man.

 

So you see where I’m heading at?

If peeping, flashing, jacking off in public, and other lewd acts done publicly stem from a strain of mental illnesses, why are these very sick people arrested and thrown into jail instead of getting psychiatric help?

Here in my country, these acts are seen as merely something that’s so disgusting, inappropriate, “bastos”, perverted, “manyakis,” and a whole lot more insults in our native tongue, and I bet not half of my own people realize that these lewd acts could be caused by an illness, something that the “offender” has no complete control of.

I am a female, and I would sure be traumatized and really fucked up to death if somebody did try to jack off or flash right in front me; but on the other side of things, I’d like to think of myself as somebody who would consider to get this very sick man a fucking doctor before even deciding of detaining him.

Online and in the heaven-sent libraries, there are a whole lot more cases of mental disorders that most people aren’t completely aware of and if the fucking government and other related sectors would put their attention to these things then maybe we could somehow control the instances where exhibitionist freely roam the streets.

Exhibitionists should be placed in a mental institution and not inside a cell, wherein there’s a bigger chance of them getting more fucked up than ever than getting better. The complete lack of systematic approach (at least in the country I am in) also applies in the case of drug addicts, which most people would rather shun and push off to oblivion instead of sending them to the nearest rehab facility.

In the case of the victims of these “offenders”, a debriefing process should be carried out; not only to treat the mental and emotional trauma, but also to inform and make them understand the existence of such mental disorders. With this, I think they’d be more willing to (what B. H. Leveret has implicated) “deal” with the unfortunate case by way of psychiatric treatment, rather than seek to “penalize” the apprehended.

 

Homosexual Necrophilia: Gay Duck Screws Dead Duck

It’s weird writing about ducks. But I don’t think we have mallards down here – I’ve never seen one before. We have white ducks and black ducks – but you can’t really tell since all you see is a beak, some feathers, and a whole lotta mud.

I guess this behavior in ducks fascinated the shit outta me because I didn’t realize they can be sooo hardcore.

See here, the Mallard duck, has quite an unusual way of expressing its amorous ways. Apart from mating with the usual female duck species, the male Mallard has the liking for boning other males. Well, not always those live ones – sometimes, DEAD ones.

Mallard ducks have been observed to have a necrophiliac sexual behavior. It was vividly documented by a Dutch researcher, Kees Moeliker in the summer of 1995.

Moeliker was in Rotterdam Natural Museum in Netherlands, sitting behind his desk in a glass building. Out of the blue, he heard a loud bang emanating from the window, and that’s when he saw a male Mallard, dead as a doornail – belly on the sand. Now another male duck was on the scene and started pecking at the dead Mallard’s head. The live duck then suddenly mounted the dead one and raped it. In such quite a force and stamina, the male mallard continued copulating for almost 75 minutes. According to Moeliker, the live Mallard even took two short breaks during the incident, before he decided to halt the “rape” and secured the unfortunate dead duck.

Homo-necro Duck

Moeliker’s odd documentation was somehow a revelation, especially since homosexual necrophilia in animals has never been described before. A fact though is, homosexuality in ducks is indeed present – the ratio being 1 out of 10 ducks being gay. Necrophilia in ducks was also documented in the past, but not between two males. What the Dutch researcher witnessed was an exceptional case, plus the fact that the copulation lasted for over an hour.

In Kees Moeliker’s explanation, he said that the incident was a case of a “rape-intent flight”, which is a common sexual behavior in Mallards. Male Mallards often target female ducks which are left out during mating season. The group will chase the female and peck at her, and when she starts to weaken, the male ducks will take turns in raping the female duck.  What Moeliker witnessed however, was quite a rare case, since the “victimized” duck accidentally died after flying into a glass pane. Fueled by raging hormones, the dominant duck’s arousal was further intensified, seeing the dead Mallard failed to resist. What’s disturbing to me is the fact that the dominant duck got horny upon the sight of a dead duck. Nature is scary.

Because of this rare observation, Kees Moeliker was awarded the Ig Nobel Prize, an award which honors scientific discoveries that “first make people laugh, and then make them think,” for improbable research in 2003. Since the incident, a lot more cases of necrophilia and homosexuality among birds and other animals have been documented including several species of frogs and swans. However, the combination of two male Mallard ducks has never been seen again.

"Oh, hey, so what was your Nobel Prize for?" "Oh, well you know, just about a gay duck having sex with another duck’s corpse."

“Oh, hey, so what was your Nobel Prize for?”
“Oh, well you know, just about a gay duck having sex with another duck’s corpse.”